Sometimes there really isn’t anything to say.

I’ve had a lot of moments in my life that have thrown me backwards.  With the rest of the nation, I watched the Twin Towers fall and I watched the Ninth Ward struggle to recover after Katrina.  On my own, I watched my parents marriage crumble and watched a dear friend die of cancer.

In every case, I felt so helpless because I couldn’t DO anything.  I’m a doer.  I act – I think in verbs: help, aid, empower, DO.  Crises I can’t do anything about drive me insane.

I found out early this evening that my aunt miscarried her much loved, much wanted, much cherished second child.

I can’t say anything to make it better.  I can’t do anything to make it better.

…this sucks.

 

I dreamed a dream…

I don’t think this needs any introduction.  Simply unbelievable – we should all have this kind of confidence.

 

April 15th, or, what I named my egg baby

Part of the 7th grade curriculum in my New Hampshire home town is a “financial living” unit.  Now, I’m not entirely sure why they decided it was a good idea to teach a bunch of 13-year-olds how to write checks and do taxes, but hey, I guess that’s just how southern NH rolls.

One of the funniest parts of this particular unit was that we had to get”married” and have a “family.”  I don’t remember which lucky boy I was paired up with, but I do remember that I was the one that had to handle the wedding and baby announcements.  (Sounds eerily like real life, to me!)

Why bring this up?  Well, as I’m sure you’re well aware, today is tax day.  Like many of my peers, I’m still relatively new to the full-blown tax process  – far gone are the days of the 1040EZ!  Lucky for me, that middle school tax primer stuck in my head and I’m at least somewhat familiar with the forms and the process itself.  For some of my friends, however, tax season falls into that lovely category of “why on earth didn’t anyone TEACH ME HOW TO DO THIS STUFF???”

Yes, I’m a freak, and I actually enjoy breaking out the Turbo Tax and all the insane forms every year.  It’s satifying to finish, and I usually get money back in the end.  (I know this means I’ve just given the government an interest free loan, but hey!  At least I get that money back, unlike, oh I don’t know, Social Security.)  The fact that I enjoy it, though, is probably tied to that unit back in my formative years.  I know what I’m doing, because someone DID take the time to teach me.  The vague familiar feeling of “hey, I’ve done this before,” makes everything that much less intimidating.

What lessons for adulthood do you think you missed out on?

PS: We didn’t really have egg babies, but we did do that experiment where you dropped an egg of the side of a building inside a contraption that (you hoped) was designed to keep it from breaking.

PPS: I think I named my egg, but this was a long time ago, so I don’t actually remember what the name was.  Probably something related to a boy band.

 

Quarter Life Crisis, on screen

I’ve been watching a lot of movies that, surprisingly enough, have a strong element of that “what the heck am I going to do with my life” quality I’ve been dealing with lately.

Movies like this:

And like this:

I never said they were GOOD movies, people, but I’ve got a Netflix subscription that needs to be used somehow!

What’s your favorite quarter life crisis/coming of age film?

 

The Cherry Blossom quest continues…

… didn’t make it down to the Tidal Basin this weekend.  Thus far, my entire Cherry Blossom experience has been limited to this:

Thank you, Bath and Body Works, for making sure that even a shut-in like myself can still experience spring in DC.

 

A One-Note Life

Have you ever felt like you’ve focused on one thing, and one thing only, a little too intensely?  Like your life, from sunrise to sunset, was dedicated to only one pursuit?

I have a good friend, V, kicking butt at a very prestigious law school in the Mid-West.  V and I met during an internship just over two years ago and, after becoming fast friends with a shared love for chocolate and Grey’s Anatomy, we’ve stayed close.  In both our cases, we’ve now made it to a point we’d been trying to reach for most of our lives: for her, law school, for me, a career in politics.

We were talking the other day (over G-Chat, I’m a new convert!) about how great it is that we’ve gotten so far at such young ages.  We are products of the feminist movement: set a goal, girls, and there’s nothing to stop you.

But what do you do when you get there?

I’ve worked incredibly hard to get to the place that I am, as has V.  But at what cost?  I often feel like I’m living a one-note life – my existence is my job, and nothing else.  For V, venting her pre-finals frustration over instant message, the only thing she’s concentrated on since she started law school is, yep, law school.  All those other trivial pursuits (you know, like a social life) fall by the wayside as you become “successful.”

We’re taught to shoot for the moon and that wanting it is enough.  But I don’t want just the moon – I want the UNIVERSE.  I want a career but I also want to see my friends and family, have a relationship, and be reminded that my purpose is SO MUCH MORE than I’d originally planned.

I know that part of growing up is about finding balance in yourself, for ALL parts of yourself.  The professional AND the personal.  But, as I’m sure V  – and many others – can attest… they don’t teach that kind of a course in college.

…so what do you do to find it?

 

Oh, right, I have a blog…

No, I didn’t forget to update.  I just got… busy.  With, you know, employment.  And stuff.  Right.

Well, it’s been a week, and I have to say I really love my new position.  It’s administrative, but in a good way – I’m learning a lot and absorbing a lot and hopefully making an impact.

Now, granted, it wasn’t an instant “OH MY GOSH I’VE FOUND MY
CALLING WHEEEEEEE!” kind of an experience the first few days.  In fact, last Thursday and Friday I walked around in a bit of a daze, smiling and nodding and hoping it looked like I was picking up on things, all while furiously fighting the fight or flight response.  After two solid months of unemployment and five months of looking, I finally had a position… and all I wanted was to run in the other direction.

I’m not sure what it was, if it was a new office, or a new experience or just sheer terror, but my legs itched to take me out the door.  Perhaps it was because the whole process went so quickly; I didn’t have time to adjust.  I was so happy to be working, but the change of it all… I think it just scared me.  It was a lot to take in in a very short amount of time.

After a week of training, I feel significantly better.  I can handle this, I can do well at this.  And that’s a very good feeling.

*Completely unrelated aside: The last episode of ER is on right now.  Kind of unbelievable.

 

The obligatory first day rundown…

… is coming. I promise. But in the meantime, I want to know something from all of you.

Comment below… when was the first time you felt like an adult?

Thanks. And yes, I will post an update about the job SOON. I promise.

 

That was quick.

Yesterday, oh yesterday.

I left my interview feeling great.  Have you ever walked out knowing you nailed it?  Yeah, that’s how I felt.  I didn’t expect to hear anything until later this week – they wanted to fill the position quickly, and told me I’d know something by Friday.

My phone rang at 3:30, and I had accepted an offer by 5.  I start tomorrow.

So, wow.  I’m still recovering from the whiplash of the day.  I mean, I hadn’t heard ANYTHING from any jobs since November.  NOVEMBER!  It’s bad out there, and I was ready to settle in for the long haul.  I’d finally made peace with the waiting game, and then, BOOM.  Everything happens at once.

Before I heard from my new employers (eep!), I got an unexpected phone call from a friend and mentor I hadn’t talked to in YEARS.  He was the first person to hire me in DC – he took a chance on a wide eyed, naive 18-year-old freshman and showed her the ropes of this crazy city.  He oh-so-gently reminded me that, hey!  No one judges you for your work experience, you dolt.  I can’t express how thankful I am to have him in my cheering section.  Check out his blog (which I just discovered) – I promise, you’ll enjoy.

That said, I also need to thank all the folks that sent me congratulations yesterday.  I am incredibly blessed to have so many people in my corner.  It’s so easy to get wrapped up in yourself and forget that, hey, you have more safety nets than one person could POSSIBLY need.  I’m a lucky girl, and I know it.

I’m off to finish my ironing (I do not remember owning that many button-downs…) and get ready for my next adventure.  Tomorrow’s going to be a blast!

 

“Interviews in DC are like the jackalope – illusive and legendary.”

My friend Caitlin sent me that analogy this morning… she’s exactly right.  But I think I’d add the other elusive on there, too.

I didn’t realize how down I’d been about this unemployment thing until I put my suit on this morning to get ready for my interview.  It felt… AMAZING.  I felt like a whole person again… which is strange.  Until this morning, I didn’t know a piece of clothing could have that kind of effect on me.

The truth is, I’ve been down because I’ve always defined myself by my job.  When I was 12, I couldn’t wait to volunteer at my local library, because then I’d have the chance to say I was going to “work.”  I couldn’t wait to turn 14 so I could work at McDonald’s.  I couldn’t wait to make it to DC so I could have an internship.  And I couldn’t wait to graduate so I could start my career.

Ambition is both a quality and a downfall.  To this point, I’ve been incredibly lucky in ALL of my employment pursuits.  I wanted to be a McDonald’s manager, so I smiled at every customer, memorized both the breakfast and lunch menu and volunteered to work in Drive Thru every chance I got.  I was a manager six months after I started.

(And yes, I understand that it’s MCDONALD’S and that they hand promotions out like candy.  But I was 16, and I thought it was pretty cool.)

My point is that this unemployment has been HARD.  I’ve felt rudderless for the first time in my life.  I’ve never had to ask what’s next because I’ve never given myself the chance.  I’ve rushed into the next endeavor without blinking, and even though my eyes were wide open, I was blind to the person I was becoming.

I want to be more than my job.  I want to be recognized, not for that ambition, but for being a good person.  For being someone people trust, and want to spend time with.  I want to be the whole package.

These past few months have meant more to my personal growth than any job I’ve ever had.  But, that said… I’m still excited at how well my interview went today.  Some habits are hard to break. 🙂